Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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