Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
