shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
