Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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