even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
