if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
