just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
