Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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