i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
