My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
