shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
