Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
