He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
