Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
