How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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