Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
