just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
