I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
