After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize