I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
