Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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