Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
