Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
