you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
