that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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