I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
