What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
