i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
