I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
