my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
