You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
