you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
