I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
