No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
