someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
