i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
