So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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