If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
