Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
