I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
