What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
