how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
