wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
