Duck Duck Cougar?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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