Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
