i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
