oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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