That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
