a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
