My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
