last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
