I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
