From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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