For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
