I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
