More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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