the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
