I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
