I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
