I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
