did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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