Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
