I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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