I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
