You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
