wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
