She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
