Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
