I think my fart just growled at me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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