why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize