"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
