somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
